| It was 5 something am this past Sunday morning when the phone was buzzing. "Our church is on fire" said the voice on the other end of the line. ..... How do we make sense of “our church is on fire; the ministry center has suffered substantial damages; staff offices are irreparable; the day school was thigh deep in water”? We must first acknowledge that the cross is still standing in the rubble and ruin. That is the beginning of how I make sense of this. The Trinity is with us in this tragedy. Every time a tragedy occurs, it is a natural human response to try to make sense of it. How did this happen? Why did this happen? Did this really happen?These are the questions that are often unanswerable, yet permission must be given to ask and ponder them simply because we are human. |  |
When we have experienced a loss, particularly in the form of a tragedy, it is normal for grieving to be intensely felt for an extended period of time. During this time, as in all disasters, the experience of safety, security, and predictability in the world is challenged and an underlying sense of uncertainty becomes a part of life for a season. This is a normal human response. It is my response now.
The destruction of the Ministry Center has created a void and some uncertainty for all of us in different ways at St. Andrews. We have all lost one of our primary places where we worship the Lord and our routine way of gathering together as the body of Christ. Some have lost their offices – their home away from home with so many cherished experiences and belongings. Others have lost their children’s school; the location where they first met God; where they were married; where their children were baptized.
After a disaster, it is normal to experience a number of stress reactions that may continue for a significant period. And after the sudden, traumatic loss caused by disasters, it is normal for grieving and mourning to be uneven, more intensely felt, and extended over time.
In trying to make sense of what has happened to us at St. Andrews, we do have the gift of the actual visual of the backdrop of the Cross standing strong when all around has been destroyed. Isn’t this our only truest ever-present hope in this world? Isn’t this our most trustworthy anchor for our soul? Perhaps this is what Jesus was talking about when He said in John 6:33 “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Especially in this season, we are invited to lift high the cross.
Normal Reactions after Exposure to a Disaster
Most people experience some of the following as normal stress responses in varied degrees. They may last for many months after the disaster has ended depending upon several factors.
Normal stress reactions include:
Below are some helpful tips to successfully navigate the weeks and months following this loss.
How Children Make Sense of Disasters
It is very helpful for us – the adults – to understand how our children may be making sense of this loss based on their developmental level. Below is a brief description of development based on age ranges.
Infants and Toddlers, 0–2 years old, cannot understand that a trauma is happening, but they know when their parents are upset. They may start to show the same emotions as their parents, or they may act differently, like crying for no reason, withdrawing from people, and not playing with their toys.
Children, 3–5 years old, can understand the effects of trauma. They may have trouble adjusting to change and loss. They depend on the adults around them to help them feel better.
Children, 6–10 years old, may fear going to school and stop spending time with friends. They may have trouble paying attention and do poorly in school overall. Some may become aggressive for no clear reason. Or they may act younger than their age by asking to be fed or dressed by their parent.
Youth and Adolescents, 11–19years old, go through a lot of physical and emotional changes because of their developmental stage. So, it may be even harder for them to cope. Older teens maydeny their emotional reaction. They may respond with a routine “I’m okay” or even silence when they are upset. Or, they may complain about physical aches or pains because they cannot identify what is really bothering them emotionally.
Below are some tips for adults and parents to successfully help children and teens navigate their way through this loss.
“Patiently wait for God alone, my soul! For He is the one who gives me confidence.” Ps 62:5 As we wait expectantly and with open hearts, Holy Spirit communes with us, soothing our hearts with comfort, strength and the grace to wait and to see when and how God answers our prayers, not if.
The destruction of the Ministry Center has created a void and some uncertainty for all of us in different ways at St. Andrews. We have all lost one of our primary places where we worship the Lord and our routine way of gathering together as the body of Christ. Some have lost their offices – their home away from home with so many cherished experiences and belongings. Others have lost their children’s school; the location where they first met God; where they were married; where their children were baptized.
After a disaster, it is normal to experience a number of stress reactions that may continue for a significant period. And after the sudden, traumatic loss caused by disasters, it is normal for grieving and mourning to be uneven, more intensely felt, and extended over time.
In trying to make sense of what has happened to us at St. Andrews, we do have the gift of the actual visual of the backdrop of the Cross standing strong when all around has been destroyed. Isn’t this our only truest ever-present hope in this world? Isn’t this our most trustworthy anchor for our soul? Perhaps this is what Jesus was talking about when He said in John 6:33 “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” Especially in this season, we are invited to lift high the cross.
Normal Reactions after Exposure to a Disaster
Most people experience some of the following as normal stress responses in varied degrees. They may last for many months after the disaster has ended depending upon several factors.
Normal stress reactions include:
- Emotional reactions: Anxiety, fear, grief, anger, helplessness, emotional numbness
- Cognitive reactions: Disbelief, confusion, worry, difficulty concentrating, repeated images of the disaster
- Physical reactions: Fatigue, trouble sleeping, nightmares, easily startled
- Interpersonal reactions: Irritability, neediness, withdrawal, over-controlling, feeling rejection
- Spiritual reactions: Questioning why? Is God good?
Below are some helpful tips to successfully navigate the weeks and months following this loss.
- Taking one day at a time is essential after a disaster. “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”Matthew 6:34. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.”2 Corinthians 4:16
- Focus on what is most important to you and your family right at this moment or at least today.
- Intentionally engage in the relationships that are most important to you. Seek to understand what each other is experiencing and to help one another remember what is important. Process this experience with the Word of God near to your heart and mind. Grow together in patience, strength, faith, hope, and love.
- People most want to be heard and understood by another. This is a beautiful opportunity to engage together in conversation knowing that Christ is in the midst.
- Take good care of yourself physically. Eat well, exercise, rest.
- Reach out to one another. Love one another. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” John 13:34-35
How Children Make Sense of Disasters
It is very helpful for us – the adults – to understand how our children may be making sense of this loss based on their developmental level. Below is a brief description of development based on age ranges.
Infants and Toddlers, 0–2 years old, cannot understand that a trauma is happening, but they know when their parents are upset. They may start to show the same emotions as their parents, or they may act differently, like crying for no reason, withdrawing from people, and not playing with their toys.
Children, 3–5 years old, can understand the effects of trauma. They may have trouble adjusting to change and loss. They depend on the adults around them to help them feel better.
Children, 6–10 years old, may fear going to school and stop spending time with friends. They may have trouble paying attention and do poorly in school overall. Some may become aggressive for no clear reason. Or they may act younger than their age by asking to be fed or dressed by their parent.
Youth and Adolescents, 11–19years old, go through a lot of physical and emotional changes because of their developmental stage. So, it may be even harder for them to cope. Older teens maydeny their emotional reaction. They may respond with a routine “I’m okay” or even silence when they are upset. Or, they may complain about physical aches or pains because they cannot identify what is really bothering them emotionally.
Below are some tips for adults and parents to successfully help children and teens navigate their way through this loss.
- Let children/teens know it is normal to feel upset when something scary happens.
- Encourage children/teens to express feelings and thoughts. Successful outlets of expression may be writing/drawing/playing music/playing in general.
- Return to normal routines as much as possible. For those who are unable to return to a routine – like with the day school – begin a new routine as soon as possible. Let the children know how things will work. If you don’t know yet, let them know that it will get worked out and you will inform them as soon as you know.
- Give children a sense of choice and control by offering reasonable options about daily activities (choosing meals, clothes, etc.)
- If a child regresses (starts to do things he or she did when younger), it is most helpful to be supportive. This is a common response to a trauma. Criticizing the behavior will usually result in continued increase in regression.
- Remember – we can be most helpful to our children if we are taking care of ourselves. Children and adolescents often are responding to our feelings and reactions.
- Create space and time for conversation and questions about God. Engage in prayer together, read Scripture, sing songs of praise and worship, etc.
“Patiently wait for God alone, my soul! For He is the one who gives me confidence.” Ps 62:5 As we wait expectantly and with open hearts, Holy Spirit communes with us, soothing our hearts with comfort, strength and the grace to wait and to see when and how God answers our prayers, not if.